/// a change in perspective ///

Hello, Marisol Llaudes here. As I said in the email, Nicholas is taking the next two weeks off, so I put together a little treat for you that showcases his last show at Black Squirrel Club from my perspective.

This concert was my FIRST professional gig.

Seeing so many different walks of life collectively join together to enjoy a sonic, and raw musical experience reminded me of the need for art, as well as my own obligation to art itself. Sharing light, emotion, and expression amongst a community is oxygen. We must lift ourselves up to lift eachother up! The energy from that night is still palpable. 

Once I arrived we did a mic check and it went smoothly. We ran through the songs, brushed up on a few details, and then I anxiously drank a ton of water to pass the time leading up. It’s as if drinking loads of water will make you sing better… Water with Philly pizza is also delicious. 10/10 would recommend. The ordered pie shared with the band gave me fuel and the cheesy goodness was pleasant. Not to mention the band, working with them was absolutely sick! NOT from the pizza, and their instruments spoke like words. I feel blessed to have worked with such talented and wonderful musicians. Especially as my first pro gig! 

When show time finally rolled around, worries and nerves depleted as if the stage had absorbed them.  It was electrifying to connect with and sing to a brand new crowd. Especially at the one and only Black Squirrel Club. The character of the fluorescent lights, grand chandeliers and high wooden ceilings were quite mesmerizing. Along with the magic of the band's distinct sound, and of course the lovely audience, I felt transported to a sweet disposition. 

It was really cool for me to observe the diversity of the crowd manifested as well. I saw people of all ages and backgrounds just vibing and enjoying their time in the music collectively. It made me wonder what kind of audience I would attract, striking even more inspiration for me.

Once I arrived home and watched the recordings of the show an array of emotion washed over me. I felt proud of myself and still quite electric but by and by the adrenaline swam to anxiety. I began to dissect the imperfections of the performance. I had to remind myself of the futile efforts that go into viewing myself from an egotistical standpoint vs the separation of self to a learners perspective.

A sense of relief followed, but alternate worries surely surfaced. I contemplated the grand scheme; the very small steps all leading to a greater purpose. Only my first gig ever... Thousands (hopefully) more to come. Uncertainty of the journey that awaits.... The feeling of significant insignificance! The vulnerability of giving a piece of myself to a collective is liberating yet terrifying.

There is nothing quite like singing and performance. There is pure magic and ecstasy to it all for me. It is my calling to greet the stage as a dear friend with fearlessness and love. To greet my audience with authenticity and empathy. Through this all and my musical journey, I hope to make others feel seen and inspired with every note I sing. I am aflame with excitement and (good) fear for the future and gratitude for all that has gotten me to where I am right now.

I hope this journal entry finds you well and if you're still reading, thank you so much for sticking around!!!

If you’d like to hear more of my work, or follow me on my musical adventures, please visit my Instagram Page here ⋆MARISOL ♊︎ 🌊🌬️ (@marisol.llaudes) • Instagram photos and videos

ALSO! Please be sure to check your email next week as I share my experiences recording the new ¡ KRL ! album :)